Painting - Nullabor Man

'Nullabor Man' and doggie

acrylic on wood

Sunday 17th December 2006

Possibly my last post for the year 2006...
.
I have been quietly grieving inside for the past month. People leaving and somehow i take it personally that they are leaving me. Yet if they did not go, I would not have new experiences and new beginnings. So they go.. so that they too would have new beginnings.. and i grieve.
.
And there are those relationships which hurt me so greatly when i am around them and when they go, I still grieve. Perhaps because i am sad that it could never be resolved, perhaps because i couldn't make it better, couldn't make them feel better and i feel so sad they couldn't love me as much as i loved them.
.
And in the new year, i will leave my dad once again and break his heart. I really do not like letting people down, it tears me apart.
.
i used to wonder why i hated myself so much and then i realized it was because i was carrying around this bag of sad helpless feelings. Over time, it got unbearable, so unbearable i would want to get away from my own company. Sometimes, it's like that but i know now that it isn't me and I am able to look outside it and not be dragged into the delusion of pain and suffering. Perhaps, that's what buddhism meant by existence and the attachment to suffering.
.
New beginnings. First, i have to end the old. New beginnings, to embrace it, i must let go of the past, not to forget it.... just to let go.
.

What TIME is it???

today is lingering on hesitantly. it's all a blur as to what time it is.. some clocks in the house say it's 5:30 and some say it's 4:30. Is it time to do some gardening and weeding? If it's meant to be 5:30, why is it still so hot?
.
In case you are not from western australia and you're wondering what i'm talking about. We have just recently got daylight savings here. What this means is for the summer, we have to "wind" our clocks forward by an hour. There has been a lot of discussion for and against this move but ultimately, the decision was made by the government for us.
.
It's 5:30 i say to my other half and he goes, no it's 4:30, never heard of 5:30.. so i guess it's 4:30. Determined to ignore day light savings, he is going about as normal but i feel like i'm living in the past. When i think it's 4:30, my heart leaps with excitement to know that i have an extra hour left for the weekend but when i think i'ts 5:30, i am dissapointed.
.
so i look out the window, ignoring whatever time it should be and noticed that it's still hot. I'll wait till the sun goes down before i start on dinner and if i'm still in the mood when that time comes to do some weeding. There is a little resentment in me that we live our lives by the clock. It's like me an my mobile phone. I know it's modern times but carrying around a phone just doesn't agree with my idea of freedom. So i turn the volume down low and hopefully i won't hear it when it rings.
.
can i squeeze in another painting for the weekend? is there enough time?.........
.

Painting - The Loving Space

'The Loving Space'

acrylic on wood

.

.

The loving space, although it didn't begin intentionally with meaning, i've come to realize that it has a lot to do with how i've been feeling like for the past year.

.

Looking at the space which i have called 'myself', i have seen all kinds of images and experiences appear in it. From the rejection of this space, culminating in great sadness, ironically lead to the acceptance and love of this space. On days where I could not find the space, not knowing where to relate from or relate to, ironically enabled the ownership and formation of the space.

.

Most of the time, i feel like i'm nothing but a walking shaped space. And yet, when i, the identity-less space decide to love, then i am no longer meaningless space.

.

Painting - Angel of Compassion

'Angel of Compassion'

acrylic on wood

38 by 25.5 cm

Painting - Transformation

'Transformation'

acrylic on wood

A Charmed Christmas

Instead of cards this year, i thought it would be real nice to have receive a pendant/charm or it could even be a christmas tree ornament!!! Here is a sneak preview of what i have made so far. I ran out of solder.. hence some of them are not completed lol. :o)

Thank you to Ev.. i'm not too sure who you are but thank you for the daily inspiration link. The quote for today was just so totally amazing and completely how i feel and think about life.

Today's Affirmation :
'I have compassion for myself so I can give to others without resentment.'

Some of us are impatient and intolerent of ourselves and we may not realize it but how we relate to others is a direct reflection of the way we treat ourselves. When we are scared and do not give ourselves the compassion that we need, we may find it difficult to give to others. Perhaps it is because we may think that by giving to others, we might have less love for ourselves.
.
When we are compassionate, by willingly giving to ourselves limitless patience, unconditional forgiveness, tolerance, complete understanding, courage and total support, it is then that we are able to understand what love is and how it relates to everyone. And when we understand what love is, instantly everyone is in this love and this understanding permeates every level of understanding. There would be no reason why anyone would be outside this love. It would be impossible to reject anyone or anything.
.
The more love and compassion we have for ourselves, the more we are capable of understanding others as non separate from ourselves. Because when we love, everything is embraced. And because we have compassion, everything and everyone is understood. Suddenly everything makes sense and the fear that was once there is almost non existent...
.
lots of love :o)

Christmas Collage

`The gifts of Christmas'

Acrylic on Wood

Christmas Collage - Thankful

There are so many things to be thankful about. There are so many gifts that we receive daily that we do not fully appreciate. We do not have to worry that a bomb might fall out of our blue sky when we walk outside, or worry about being mugged if we walked in town. There are people who do not have roofs over their heads or food and water, and there are those in war zones etc. So the little that we have, no matter how simple is such luxury to those without. Thank you for bread, water, blue skies, trees, friends, for forgiveness, for trust, kindness and the helping hand when needed. Thank you for peace, generosity and the gift of unconditional love.

.

My Biggest Mistake

Why is it that every problem or every mistake seem so incredibly huge at the time? Evoking emotions of frustration, fear, embarassment, humiliation, annoyance, even anger at times. Why does it have to feel like i want to crawl way deep inside meself and hide underneath a table or that i replay the scene over and over and over again in me mind. Trying out different outcomes, different things i could have said, different ways i could have done things, feeling like i cannot live with myself until i resolved this or validated my preconceptions of myself.

.

If someone had revealed to you something about yourself that you didn't like, or made you feel inferior or less of a person that you hoped to be, immediately you would feel outraged and defensive. Is it true, is it not true? and the reasons come as to why it isn't true or is true. How complicated we are when we fall victim to our own fears.

.

I have always been very hard on myself. Feeling helpless on many ocassions at the unsurmountable problems that keep coming up in life. It felt like they just kept coming i was constantly clearing them out.

.

my biggest mistake is always the one i was experiencing at the time but at some point, i said to myself:

' Dear one, do you know how many countless mistakes you will make in your lifetime? Countless.. Countless' Add that to the immeasurably countless mistakes of everyone in the universe throughout time...

.

It all fell into place. I am not perfect. (a sigh of relief). what a relief. How many times will I forgive myself and let go of the problem? With all the countless mistakes, surely i would have practiced enough to forgive and let go. The sooner i learn this, the sooner i can go on. The faster I do this, the faster I will be liberated.

.

Stamping - Animal Forest

Stamping - Christmas Angels

All stamps are by Stonehouse Stamps

Chatter - a productive weekend

It has been a strange weekend. i haven't been enthusiasted about doing any art and yet i have created so many pieces. It's a strange thing not to feel like how my paintings turn out. i usually start with absolutely no idea.. and as the colours start to mingle, an idea or shape might appear.
i'm a little saddened that sunday is almost over and a sense of dread for monday. Lately i have been feeling slightly anxious again and i haven't had that for a while. i am trying to be optimistic and ignore those thoughts that really have no reason to exist.
.
The kinds of paintings i really love are the ones that surprise me at the end. I am not necessarily enthusiastic at the beginning or inspired. it's like watching someone else move around the paint and i wait patiently, curiously to see what would appear. There are times when as the observer i am not curious and i watch non conmitently as the painting emerges. i feel used at times. Other times, as the observer i am impatient and the painter gets annoyed with the impatient observer and stops painting lol.
.
well.. i think that's it for this weekend. :o)
.
love
Sulea

Self portrait

'Falling into myself'

7.9 by 7.9"

acrylic on wood

The same painting from different angles.

Painting - Self portrait

Self portrait

acrylic on wood
11.8 by 8 "

Something i wanted to say

I have wanted to share with you how i have felt for a while now. just didn't know of how to say it.

.

From you who wishes me a good morning with the most heartfelt smile, to you who follows me to the kitchen to stay awhile and chat... to you who catches the train with me and all of you who manage to spare a second or two to say hello and acknowledge me being there. I know it sounds real silly but deep inside, i feel a great gratitude and humility that you can see me looking at you.

.

i light up when you are near and as though you were my very self, i am happy to be around you. how often have i felt amazed and full of admiration of the way that you are. You who astound me with your intelligence, leadership and love for the people around you, to you who teaches others to be happy with your jokes, to you who is so brave for standing your ground, and you who is full of patience in explaining things, you who is so focussed and full of integrity.

.

How amazing are you for being the way that you are.

.

i don't know much but i know that you are amazing. i don't say much when i'm around you but i'm a good listener if you need to talk. i see how beautiful you are and secretly i hope that if i look at how wonderful you are often enough, perhaps one day you too will see how brightly you are shining.

.

There are those who point at your faults and hurt you but i know that those faults are not you. If you look at the sky, you will see sky. If you look at darkness, you will see darkness. How brightly you shine.. thank you for shining so brightly that your light is reflected in me and i too am lit up.

.

Collage Painting - The love in you

'The love in you"

9.8 by 11.4 "

Acrylic on wood

.
I am the sun that rises and sets within you
I am the home that you carry at all times
I am the earth and the sky and everything in you
I am your best and also your lowest

I am your comfort when you need it

and when you are lost in despair and frustration

I am there when you call out,

to lead you - out of yourself

into me

.

I am the listener to all your secrets

and the knower

of your disapointments, fears and shame

I am patience and the compassion -

when you are too hard on yourself

.

but most of all

I am the love in you

that loves you unconditionally

and no matter what

.

I still love you.

Collage Painting - Loving you

~

I am the love in you

that loves you

unconditionally

~

"Angel of love"

11.8 by10.4"

acrylic on wood

Collage Giveaway

I have been wondering about the kind of art i wanted to do with mixed thoughts lately. The kind of subjects or themes, the colours, the emotions, what i would like to learn about myself. Sometimes I get caught up with expectations, and find myself straying and forgeting the one reason why i like doing the things i do. I have doubts about whether anything i do is good enough and when i ask myself good enough for what? often the answer is whether it's good enough for approval. Then i ask good enough for whose approval?
.
I don't really know the answer. If it was my own approval that i sought, what would be the ultimate thing that i would approve of?
.
Every painting is like a visit to a different part of myself, a different dot from the millions of dots that make me up. Maybe i'll join the dots one day to see what the whole looks like.
.
In the mean time, i thought maybe i'ld give away a couple of collages. (Update - Both collages are now gone and soon on their way to their new owners!) :oD YAY!!! i think i might do this more often hehe... stay tune........

Collage Painting - Secret Garden

~
Secret Garden

~

Now available on etsy

Collage Painting - A Sketch in time

i started a little sketch book where i have been writing poems on...... and now the pages are dressing my collages. means a lot to me... like writing a hidden message underneath the paint or painting a wish.......

Collage Painting - Tender hope, gentle heart (IF)

Now available on Etsy

This week's Illustration Friday topic is 'smitten'. I am really enjoying working with the themes that have been chosen so far. My angel is smitten with love. :o)

My Creative space........

This was the little desk i used to have..........

.

.
Ever wondered how your little desk ever turned out to a whole room full of stuff??? i've stopped buying "stuff" nowadays.... or so i tell myself. I remember when i was first introduced into the world of stamping, actually it started off with scrapbooking and then finding out that some people actually have a whole house full of scrapbook "stuff" or a whole basement or attic or sometimes even a second house in the backyard ..... i thought i wonder if i could do that but in an economical way.
.
Actually in Australia, every so often there is a collection by the council and people put out all their old furniture and "junk" out for the trucks to come and get... some people go junk hunting by driving around the streets until they see something they like. We happened to be driving along on different ocassions and dragged home cabinets... huge pieces of wood (which was then converted to my corner desk, and that huge table in the middle of the room is made from wood thrown out behind a factory. My magazine rack was one thrown out from an auto shop (we asked just to make sure)... and the shelving on top of my side desk also "junk". The shelf with the stamps was $2 at the markets. i love my creative space. i think it makes it extra special when all these bits have been put together. In some ways, it feels like they all came together for me. So thank you to the universe for the gifts!!! :o) i wouldn't have had it any other way.
.
wouldn't mind some quirky wonky wooden yellow and red chairs...... mmmmmmmm
.

and this is my creative space now...........

Pieces of me

If ya ever wanted to know what i looked like ... well i was mucking around on my pc and found these pictures which i put together... add a few pounds to the picture and time, and you'ld just
about got it right. LOL I have often wondered if there was some sort of skill involved in looking photogenic or beautiful on camera. i'm the one who always blinks in every group photo, look away at the wrong time... pretty ordinary hahaha. The other day i got one of my retard photos and using paintshop started painting a red outfit with pointy hat on myself.. it was hilarious but i don't think i'm brave enough to post it LOL.
.
anyway.... :o) hope everyone is having a great afternoon.
.
love
Sulea

I would rather

I would rather love than hate

.

Accept all beings than suffer the pain of rejection

Be kind than cruel

To understand than be ignorant

Humble than arrogant

Forgive than hold grudges

Be generous than selfish

Face the truth than blaim others

Work out problems than avoid them

Choose freedom than be a prisoner of fear

To learn from mistakes than continuously repeating them

To break free from the cycle of habits that hurt

I would rather be happy than miserable

To see with love than be blind

To listen than to judge

To respect than be inconsiderate

.

All this I do - out of love for myself.

Illustration Friday - Trouble

.
I have awkward days and days where i feel stuck when it comes to doing art. It is usually because i'm not listening ... actually i get into trouble all the time when i'm not listening. I can't quite say what it is i'm listening to since there isn't anyone talking... perhaps listening to the silence which isn't really silent. Perhaps listening to that silence from which all things spring from. I get into trouble when i listen to the irrational thoughts of my mind instead of the heart's silence.

.

Collage Painting - Surrendering

.
So you were there but not here
Almost in the door but not fully
Ready for it but not totally
Full of conviction but not enough
All your jumping gear on but still on edge

Charged up with faith but completely faithless

.

You Surrender but only this much

helpless in your holpelessness

You hold onto yourself while trying to let go

When will you understand

that there is nowhere to go to

.

When will you stop trying to go somewhere

as though you were separate and foreign

Tearing yourself into two

.

Is it not so simple

to accept your Self

And dissolve into yourself.

You are never more yourself than Now.

.

4th October 2006

a few more hours left to today... just seems like yesterday that i was 12 years old blowing out candles on a gigantic cake shaped in the numbers 12.. or maybe i was just little then. How time flies. Another birthday on an ordinary day.

.

I used to think that i would feel the same inside no matter how old i was and that our outer appearances would just age and inside we would be the same 12 year old we once were. In many ways, i can relate to that 12 year old but sometime this year, something changed in me. Like a light bulb switched on and a voice inside went "huh?" Suddenly I realized i had changed so much over the last year.

.

I thought i would list a few important things i have learnt.

1) i realize that i understand things much deeper today and have the capacity to see beyond myself and how life is interconnected. i learnt to look through others eyes.

.

2) i learnt about consequences and responsibility of actions.

.

3) I learnt to love others as i love myself but most importantly i learnt how to love myself unconditionally. That I am lovable because i am allowing myself to be loved.

.

4) I learnt to forgive myself and others because they are no different from me. In forgiveness, i learnt to let go and move on.

.

5) I learnt about self respect which is non different from self love. i learnt that the source of my self love comes from within me and is unconditional and infinite.

.

6) I learnt not to hurt myself by thinking irrational thoughts and feelings.

.

7) I learnt that i can be strong when pushed.

.

8) I learnt to be true to myself because when I am not, i struggle. When I am true to myself, i realize that i do not need to fight because it is meant to be. Sometimes i think that maybe i'm being too weird with my art and have doubts as to whether people would like me... but then i remember that if i wasn't being myself, i wouldn't be happy.

.

It's just an ordinary day in a year full of extraordinary experiences.

Thanks for listening :o)

Collage Painting - The Unraveling Heart (Illustration Friday - Quiet)

Like a vessel, I was an accumulator of experiences
not knowing of limitations, I thought I was immortal and an eternity

.

But when I was full, realizing that i could not hold onto

an infinity of knowing and being -

my vessel broke.

.

I was left watching helplessly as experiences passed through me

.

I turned around and watched my future fall into the past

Time moving away, so far, so fast, past memory and consciousness

.

All that I could be, would be and/or became

unraveling into the distance

My entire life, every thought and action scribbling itself into the past

I was unraveling

Like a rolled up ball of twine unwinding

I was nothing more than an unravelling knot

.

Suddenly, it became clear

All crooked confused paths became a straight line

All purpose, fears, hopes, dreams, destinies - a clear dot

.

I finally understand what it means

when the heart's knot unravels.

.

This is another painting ... as i thought deeper on the topic of quiet, this came up.

I have been painting on wider surfaces. Unfortunately this means I am unable to scan my painting/collage!!! I took this picture with my camera. It isn't too bad. I was going to paint her face with features but decided not to......... what do you think? Should she have a face? :o)

love

Sulea

Collage Painting - Quiet (Illustration Friday)

I was looking forward to the next topic in the illustration friday themes. This week's was quiet.

have you have considered that the loudest noise is always the one in your head? Or the sound of your emotion rising up hammering loudly for your attention.. the noise of uncertainty that pops up every now and then inside you like little alarm bells.

Quiet to me is when self expectations dissolve, no longer needing to prove anything or striving to become anything. Quiet meaning being so totally at peace with myself and fully accepting of whatever state i may be at, at that moment. It means giving up fighting with myself.. it means being in the moment without holding on to the moment. It means giving up of the last moment to be in This moment.

Where the noise in my head has ceased because it is satisfied not needing to know anything more. It is free of the bondage of concepts, expectations and thoughts. i am so happy of quiet times because it is during these times, that i see myself clearly without false coverings.

:o)

Collage Painting - A Joyful Heart

I wanted to paint something happier this weekend and originally intended on pink hues but it turned into yellow........ when i first began to draw this figure, i was thinking of what or who did i think was beautiful and i think i surprised myself a great deal when i realized that i had drawn a person who looked so much like my mother. It is interesting how when I was a little girl, i used to think my mother was the most beautiful person in the world.

I think deep down inside, i still think she is the most beautiful person in the world. What is scariest is that when I look inside myself, i can see aspects of myself that is so much like my mother. It is almost as though she is living inside me. I wonder how many people have felt this way.....

Now available on etsy

Illustration Friday - Phobia

.
This is my first entry in Illustration Friday challenges. I spent a few days thinking about what phobias meant to me. Most people are afraid of something and it may be that this fear they have drives them to do the things they do or behave the way they do. Some people believe that fear is necessary to survive and get ahead in life.

.

Nowadays i like to think of fear as a natural human reaction but at the same time that reaction is separate from logic and choice. To be able to choose how you feel and how you react to things must be true mastery. But to be able to master emotions and reactions requires understanding and seeing things for the way it is, not what we think it is. To be able to discern between a valid thought and a delusional one.

.

Perception and belief systems changes the view we have of everything. In fact our whole existence is based on perception and belief systems.

.
When we allow fear perceptions to consume our reality, or when we succumb to the fear reactions of our perceptions and thoughts for long periods of time, that is when the trouble starts... and we cross the line into a world called phobia.

.

We can be scared of many things but what if your greatest phobia was yourself. It would be like holding on to a spider and not letting go, yet at the same time screaming in horror constantly. It would be a continuous horrifying moment one after the next. Or perhaps the thing you disliked the most was yourself or your body .. whatever you identified yourself to be. There would be no where you could run to that you weren't already there.

.

So they punish that very thing they feared or disliked,to eradicate what they thought was the source of that fear. Or perhaps they thought that if they punished it, it would learn it's lesson and be more likeable just like a parent chastising their child for "their own good". Perhaps then, they would be more likeable and lovable to other people but what some don't really realize is the acceptance their being craved the most is their very own acceptance of themselves.

.

Fear saddens the soul and Love frees it.

.

Available on etsy for sale.

Collage Painting - the Seat of my Heart

how it came to this is unclear

...

the thunderstorms began to go

the clouds too slowly cleared

...

Someone called my name and i followed

across the great divide -

between the stranger and me.

...

There, smilling, beaming so brightly ~ was She

in the seat of my heart

...

my very own Self

my Heart

my Love

my Joy

my Courage

my Home

my Life

...

and because of this

wherever i am -

I Am

.

.

.

Before i went to bed last night, i remembered this profound thing a very special lady said to me a while ago. And the way she said it with such trust and faith in me.

...

At the time, i was lost to myself and although i didn't know it then, i felt like i could not love myself. This was either because i felt that i was undeserving or because i needed someone's approval to love myself. And the sadness I felt from this emptiness made me feel totally lost, confused and disorientated. i didn't know where i was coming from or where i was going.

...

All she said was, " Sulea, i do not want to stand in front of your light".

That was it. nothing before, nothing after... just that.

...

and in an instance, it was as though by removing herself, she was giving me the approval to become myself. That it was okay to be whatever no matter what and be accepted and loved because I would be the source of that love.

...

I realized that i was witholding myself from becoming ... because I was terrified of myself. Making me "visible" through removing the obstacle, allowing me to accept being conscious of that "light" , the source of my existence to be visible and lighting me up.

...

Whether or not that light exists is not important. Only that the symbolism of what it represented to me makes the difference. This painting is about the connection, the friendship and the bond between being and the love of his/her innerself. It is about the unconditional love that exists when it is given to oneself.

...

the greatest gift I ever received from anyone is that gift of receiving that unconditional love. and that is what this painting is about.

Collage Painting - Let go and Fly

I have been listening to those who say

that I missed my chance

But the beginning is now

and always is

There's another chance,

there always is

Maybe I'll take this chance, this change

Worn and weathered by life

Regrets are of the past

I will get up and climb

into my Wings

Be strong and brave

Let go and FLY

Chatter - my weekend

I had a pretty good weekend. Had to make a trip to Ikea today as the first time we went, the table we got was slightly damaged. i can never tire of the place.. so many things to see and want!

The highlight of my weekend and week was sunday when Carmel visited me! i was so looking forward to it and I had such a great time and it's so nice to be able to share and enjoy someone's company when creating stuff. I can't wait to visit the artshop Carmel recommended me.. and getting some jo sonja paints as i haven't got any of those. I seem to go through paints like water but they come in so many gorgeous colours, how can anyone resist?

but sadly the weekend had to end and this week, i'm on training at work learning a new job. I applied for this position in the payments team at work and so learning new stuff. I was a little nervous but so far it hasn't been too stressful and my first day was quite enjoyable. Hope it continues that way and another weekend will come. Things are looking brighter and happier.
Hope everyone is having a great week.

lots of love
Sulea

Collage Painting - Open Door

I am the ground,

you are the step

You opened the door of my heart

and filled it with love.

Collage Painting - Into the Ocean

There is a way,

from your heart to mine

Leaving the stream,

into the ocean

Friday - happy flu

It's friday lunch time at work and i'm counting down the seconds when i can run out the door...

You know that you obsessed when you sleep at night and you dream that you're working away on a painting at the dream desk, or when your heart leaps and silently screams with excitement at the mention of paper, wood, paint or brushes. i feel like running up and down everywhere ROFL. Kinda silly really considering that i'm not a little kid anymore but there it is haha.

Or when you start constructing collages in your head while in the shower, writing poetry while walking or when you pass the toys section at target and you're thinking about colours... you know you have it bad. Maybe it's a good thing that i don't paint during the week. Might just lose it LOL.

You also know something is wrong when you're so happy and full of joy about painting that you want to hug everyone in sight.

We were at Bunnings last night looking at paint samples because i would like to paint one of the bedrooms with a feature wall.. and i heard myself saying to Steve, no all the rose pinks aren't the same. Each shade makes you feel different and everytime i commented on a colour, he would say yea get that... LOL i wanted to get white furniture for the room but when we at ikea, reason just went out the window and bought a black day bed.. it had love hearts in the frame.. just goes to show, reason never wins with me when creating or choosing things.

This blog entry doesn't really say much... except that i'm feeling happy lol. Anyway, i hope whoever reads this can catch some of this happy flu. :o)

love
Sulea

Collage - Mother Nature

I was thinking of luscious moss when i did this collage. There is lots of texture in the background which the scanner hasn't managed to picked up and for some reason, the scanner has also made the background fluorescent LOL. it's not this fluorescent.. i think yellow paint has this kind of effect.

I made this for a special friend....... but who is this going out to??? just who???? lol

the clovers in the background symbolize luck and there are words all around the collage that i thought was representive of this very special person. :o)

now off to varnish this!!! and that's it for this week.. i'm all collaged out..... lol

lots of love
Sulea

Collage - self portrait

This was done on an A4 piece of wood.. kinda a self portrait.. although i don't look anything like it lol. I wrote words that were values or qualities that i liked about myself.

compared to the other collages, this was fairly quick. Probably because i didn't have expectations of it. it was done very simply.

Painting - with every fibre of my being

Ever since i started painting and doing collage, i've been wondering what kind of person paints all these various things. Am i all those things that have been painted... but why do they all look so different... is there one consistent thing inherent in them all that i could point at and say that's me?

do i believe that when we paint, we are painting ourselves? or are we painting our hopes and dreams but are they not part of what makes us the way we are.

is a good artist one who can paint subjects that are beyond themselves. Draw a line in a way that they would not normally do.. tilt the angle of your brush in a way unlike your norm.

i don't know... but i can hear myself saying, but that is how you felt in that moment in time, in that dot in the infinite time space continuum, a snapshot..

i like this painting. i like the softness, the sensuality, the tenderness. i like it because of how it makes me feel.

Collage - Love Only

Be so ever humble

in the presence of love

Let there be nothing
in your heart
but love
and love only

Collage - Friend

oh Friend,
i have sought you through time and distance
longing for your love and acceptance.

i sought you amongst faces that faded in the dust,
i sought you in rivers that washed away,
i sought you in the sky that turned into night ,
i sought you everywhere known to mind,

and in everyone, i was left standing there ,
wondering why, why, why,
they were not you.

Dearest friend of mine own,
I am that blinding Light
that lit you up from the inside out - so Brightly!
that it was only my reflection that you saw
amongst those faces there.
Though i am unseen
I am the Love within you that never left
Embrace me and you will see.

Collage - Silent Dreams

i was crying in my sleep
when Love came and whispered in my ear

i have this gift for you, she said -
choose me
or forever shall you be in pain,
choose me
and you will never shed another tear,
choose me
and you will never be alone again.
choose me

and leave everything else to me.


Original collage now available for sale on Etsy.

Inspire Me Thursday - inspired by design

For all the times I thought,
I could not find the strength,
was one day more,
that I survived.

Painting - House by the Lake

so.... this is what i have been doing for the last 11 hours... yes.... 11 hours lol. way way outside my comfort zone, i was curious as to whether it was possible. i learnt so much and there's so much more to learn. I reckon the paintbrush is a very mysterious thing and depending on how it is used it could do great things but it's still a puzzle to me. Part of me wished someone could show me how to do all the neat things a paintbrush could do.. i'm feeling more in awe of the great painting masters like Turner and Blake, Leonardo and Michaelangelo.. etc etc.

I didn't know you could draw a picture using a paintbrush.. a lot of the process in this painting really freaked me out. i didn't know it was possible to paint reflections in the water or that the water could look transparent? translucent?? and painting the tree branches was really scary lol. there's lots to work on but i'm pretty happy with what i did today. dont think i'll be in a hurry to paint another scenery for a while though.. maybe i'll go do something messy now like collage.
You can click the picture and it'll bring up a bigger version of it. :o)

Inspire me Thursday - Paints

This is a scene that i really wanted to paint 10 years ago but never got around to it. I started this tonight and was afraid to stop in case i wouldn't finish it lol... i wish i had more time, so i can learn to be patient and refine this painting.

i don't think it's actually finished.. i may work on it some more later in the week but here it is for now.

Collage - Angel

I have been troubled by various life events lately, work, friendships, people and being unsure of whether i have the strength to cope with myself. I think my grandmother is dying and feeling my dad's sadness reminds me of how one day, i too would be faced with this situation all over again. They say that the ultimate fear is of death but if you knew you were going to die, would you be afraid? And if you were not afraid, would you then have the courage to face life forever?

it makes me sad to think that a part of me is dying in my grandmother but someone said, if we never died, we'ld be stuck here forever. And in a strange way, it made me look forward to that day when i leave this world. it would be ironic to be reincarnated again but i hope if i did get reincarnated again, that i would find art and love.

This collage.. "let me love, that I myself may be healed of all sorrow". It's about how i feel seeing people who are unhappy and wanting so much to love their sorrow away, because they are just a part of me as i am, to myself. The wings are made from ephemera but white doesn't scan well and so the subtle print from the ephemera isn't showing through the scan.

Collage- Whimsical

Some things cannot be spoken of,

Only through love can all things be understood,

From the inside out,

Set yourself free from yourself,

Let love cross all barriers.

Settings erased

ARRRRRRRRRGHHHH... if any of you are contemplating changing the template of your blog just to see what it would look like DON"T!!!!!!!! lol... it erased all the links i had. Well, don't until you copy your code.. so you don't lose it. :oS

Collage - The Content of my Heart

Collage/Drawing - Sadness

Sometimes there are things that aren't talked about because it's not the kind of thing people want to know, and yet there is such a desperate need to let someone know. A silent desperate plea for help , a realization that you are drowning and that this is one time you cannot help yourself out of the despair. You watch helplessly as the last glimmer of hope in you gets smaller and smaller and the fear that it might wink out, yet at the same time you hope that if it winks out, you might finally feel some relief. What keeps you going from day to day is the faint hope that perhaps if someone knew, they'ld love you anyway no matter what.

This picture is the story about the little child inside many of us who at some time in our lives have suffered a great sadness and isolation. It is about the friend who ended it all, and it is about friend who survived because someone came along and gave them a hand. It is about the unconditional love that would heal all hurt and it is about the acceptance, forgiveness and understanding that comes when we love. It is about that smile, that hug, that hello that prevented that light from winking out... it is about self worth without conditions and meaningful friendships.

My New Blog - Recipes!

Hi! i wanted to create a new blog for recipes that i could share with anyone who would care to look at the disasters and the recipes that work. LOL

The link is: http://kitchenchaos.blogspot.com

love
Sulea

It's raining again

It's raining again.. was just feeling a little like this collage this morning.. feeling unmotivated today. One of those days where maybe waking up at 7 am wasn't such a good idea... maybe i should crawl back into bed.

Hope everyone else is having a creative sunday. There was a discussion lately on a yahoo stamping groups about lost stamping mojo.. actually i am starting to feel a bit guilty about not using my stamps lately but if i'm not motivated in that direction, i know better than to try. it usually ends with frustration. It's good to do different things every now and then. I think maybe we get stuck in a particular pattern of thinking/creating and the creating process loses it's empowerment. It's good to do something completely different like maybe altered art or something. If you have to, cleaning really gives the contrast of what you would rather do and it might kick start the mojo LOL.

i took a picture of my disaster area (craft table).. I have to clean it if i want to stamp. Painting collages is more forgiving that stamping when u get smudges.