Monday, October 30, 2006

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Chatter - a productive weekend

It has been a strange weekend. i haven't been enthusiasted about doing any art and yet i have created so many pieces. It's a strange thing not to feel like how my paintings turn out. i usually start with absolutely no idea.. and as the colours start to mingle, an idea or shape might appear.
i'm a little saddened that sunday is almost over and a sense of dread for monday. Lately i have been feeling slightly anxious again and i haven't had that for a while. i am trying to be optimistic and ignore those thoughts that really have no reason to exist.
The kinds of paintings i really love are the ones that surprise me at the end. I am not necessarily enthusiastic at the beginning or inspired. it's like watching someone else move around the paint and i wait patiently, curiously to see what would appear. There are times when as the observer i am not curious and i watch non conmitently as the painting emerges. i feel used at times. Other times, as the observer i am impatient and the painter gets annoyed with the impatient observer and stops painting lol.
well.. i think that's it for this weekend. :o)

Self portrait

'Falling into myself'
7.9 by 7.9"
acrylic on wood

The same painting from different angles.

Painting - Self portrait

Self portrait
acrylic on wood
11.8 by 8 "

Something i wanted to say

I have wanted to share with you how i have felt for a while now. just didn't know of how to say it.
From you who wishes me a good morning with the most heartfelt smile, to you who follows me to the kitchen to stay awhile and chat... to you who catches the train with me and all of you who manage to spare a second or two to say hello and acknowledge me being there. I know it sounds real silly but deep inside, i feel a great gratitude and humility that you can see me looking at you.
i light up when you are near and as though you were my very self, i am happy to be around you. how often have i felt amazed and full of admiration of the way that you are. You who astound me with your intelligence, leadership and love for the people around you, to you who teaches others to be happy with your jokes, to you who is so brave for standing your ground, and you who is full of patience in explaining things, you who is so focussed and full of integrity.
How amazing are you for being the way that you are.
i don't know much but i know that you are amazing. i don't say much when i'm around you but i'm a good listener if you need to talk. i see how beautiful you are and secretly i hope that if i look at how wonderful you are often enough, perhaps one day you too will see how brightly you are shining.
There are those who point at your faults and hurt you but i know that those faults are not you. If you look at the sky, you will see sky. If you look at darkness, you will see darkness. How brightly you shine.. thank you for shining so brightly that your light is reflected in me and i too am lit up.

Collage Painting - The love in you

'The love in you"
9.8 by 11.4 "
Acrylic on wood
I am the sun that rises and sets within you
I am the home that you carry at all times
I am the earth and the sky and everything in you
I am your best and also your lowest
I am your comfort when you need it
and when you are lost in despair and frustration
I am there when you call out,
to lead you - out of yourself
into me
I am the listener to all your secrets
and the knower
of your disapointments, fears and shame
I am patience and the compassion -
when you are too hard on yourself
but most of all
I am the love in you
that loves you unconditionally
and no matter what
I still love you.

Collage Painting - Loving you

I am the love in you
that loves you
"Angel of love"
11.8 by10.4"
acrylic on wood

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Collage Giveaway

I have been wondering about the kind of art i wanted to do with mixed thoughts lately. The kind of subjects or themes, the colours, the emotions, what i would like to learn about myself. Sometimes I get caught up with expectations, and find myself straying and forgeting the one reason why i like doing the things i do. I have doubts about whether anything i do is good enough and when i ask myself good enough for what? often the answer is whether it's good enough for approval. Then i ask good enough for whose approval?
I don't really know the answer. If it was my own approval that i sought, what would be the ultimate thing that i would approve of?
Every painting is like a visit to a different part of myself, a different dot from the millions of dots that make me up. Maybe i'll join the dots one day to see what the whole looks like.
In the mean time, i thought maybe i'ld give away a couple of collages. (Update - Both collages are now gone and soon on their way to their new owners!) :oD YAY!!! i think i might do this more often hehe... stay tune........

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Collage Painting - Secret Garden

Secret Garden

Collage Painting - A Sketch in time

i started a little sketch book where i have been writing poems on...... and now the pages are dressing my collages. means a lot to me... like writing a hidden message underneath the paint or painting a wish.......

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Collage Painting - Tender hope, gentle heart (IF)

Now available on Etsy

This week's Illustration Friday topic is 'smitten'. I am really enjoying working with the themes that have been chosen so far. My angel is smitten with love. :o)

My Creative space........

This was the little desk i used to have..........

Ever wondered how your little desk ever turned out to a whole room full of stuff??? i've stopped buying "stuff" nowadays.... or so i tell myself. I remember when i was first introduced into the world of stamping, actually it started off with scrapbooking and then finding out that some people actually have a whole house full of scrapbook "stuff" or a whole basement or attic or sometimes even a second house in the backyard ..... i thought i wonder if i could do that but in an economical way.
Actually in Australia, every so often there is a collection by the council and people put out all their old furniture and "junk" out for the trucks to come and get... some people go junk hunting by driving around the streets until they see something they like. We happened to be driving along on different ocassions and dragged home cabinets... huge pieces of wood (which was then converted to my corner desk, and that huge table in the middle of the room is made from wood thrown out behind a factory. My magazine rack was one thrown out from an auto shop (we
asked just to make sure)... and the shelving on top of my side desk also "junk". The shelf with the stamps was $2 at the markets. i love my creative space. i think it makes it extra special when all these bits have been put together. In some ways, it feels like they all came together for me. So thank you to the universe for the gifts!!! :o) i wouldn't have had it any other way.
wouldn't mind some quirky wonky wooden yellow and red chairs...... mmmmmmmm

and this is my creative space now...........

Pieces of me

If ya ever wanted to know what i looked like ... well i was mucking around on my pc and found these pictures which i put together... add a few pounds to the picture and time, and you'ld just
about got it right. LOL I have often wondered if there was some sort of skill involved in looking photogenic or beautiful on camera. i'm the one who always blinks in every group photo, look away at the wrong time... pretty ordinary hahaha. The other day i got one of my retard photos and using paintshop started painting a red outfit with pointy hat on myself.. it was hilarious but i don't think i'm brave enough to post it LOL.
anyway.... :o) hope everyone is having a great afternoon.

Monday, October 09, 2006

I would rather

I would rather love than hate
Accept all beings than suffer the pain of rejection
Be kind than cruel
To understand than be ignorant
Humble than arrogant
Forgive than hold grudges
Be generous than selfish
Face the truth than blaim others
Work out problems than avoid them
Choose freedom than be a prisoner of fear
To learn from mistakes than continuously repeating them
To break free from the cycle of habits that hurt
I would rather be happy than miserable
To see with love than be blind
To listen than to judge
To respect than be inconsiderate
All this I do - out of love for myself.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Illustration Friday - Trouble

I have awkward days and days where i feel stuck when it comes to doing art. It is usually because i'm not listening ... actually i get into trouble all the time when i'm not listening. I can't quite say what it is i'm listening to since there isn't anyone talking... perhaps listening to the silence which isn't really silent. Perhaps listening to that silence from which all things spring from. I get into trouble when i listen to the irrational thoughts of my mind instead of the heart's silence.

Collage Painting - Surrendering

So you were there but not here
Almost in the door but not fully
Ready for it but not totally
Full of conviction but not enough
All your jumping gear on but still on edge
Charged up with faith but completely faithless
You Surrender but only this much
helpless in your holpelessness
You hold onto yourself while trying to let go
When will you understand
that there is nowhere to go to
When will you stop trying to go somewhere
as though you were separate and foreign
Tearing yourself into two
Is it not so simple
to accept your Self
And dissolve into yourself.
You are never more yourself than Now.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

4th October 2006

a few more hours left to today... just seems like yesterday that i was 12 years old blowing out candles on a gigantic cake shaped in the numbers 12.. or maybe i was just little then. How time flies. Another birthday on an ordinary day.

I used to think that i would feel the same inside no matter how old i was and that our outer appearances would just age and inside we would be the same 12 year old we once were. In many ways, i can relate to that 12 year old but sometime this year, something changed in me. Like a light bulb switched on and a voice inside went "huh?" Suddenly I realized i had changed so much over the last year.
I thought i would list a few important things i have learnt.
1) i realize that i understand things much deeper today and have the capacity to see beyond myself and how life is interconnected. i learnt to look through others eyes.
2) i learnt about consequences and responsibility of actions.
3) I learnt to love others as i love myself but most importantly i learnt how to love myself unconditionally. That I am lovable because i am allowing myself to be loved.
4) I learnt to forgive myself and others because they are no different from me. In forgiveness, i learnt to let go and move on.
5) I learnt about self respect which is non different from self love. i learnt that the source of my self love comes from within me and is unconditional and infinite.
6) I learnt not to hurt myself by thinking irrational thoughts and feelings.
7) I learnt that i can be strong when pushed.
8) I learnt to be true to myself because when I am not, i struggle. When I am true to myself, i realize that i do not need to fight because it is meant to be. Sometimes i think that maybe i'm being too weird with my art and have doubts as to whether people would like me... but then i remember that if i wasn't being myself, i wouldn't be happy.
It's just an ordinary day in a year full of extraordinary experiences.
Thanks for listening :o)

Monday, October 02, 2006

Collage Painting - The Unraveling Heart (Illustration Friday - Quiet)

Like a vessel, I was an accumulator of experiences
not knowing of limitations, I thought I was immortal and an eternity
But when I was full, realizing that i could not hold onto
an infinity of knowing and being -
my vessel broke.
I was left watching helplessly as experiences passed through me
I turned around and watched my future fall into the past
Time moving away, so far, so fast, past memory and consciousness
All that I could be, would be and/or became
unraveling into the distance
My entire life, every thought and action scribbling itself into the past
I was unraveling
Like a rolled up ball of twine unwinding
I was nothing more than an unravelling knot
Suddenly, it became clear
All crooked confused paths became a straight line
All purpose, fears, hopes, dreams, destinies - a clear dot
I finally understand what it means
when the heart's knot unravels.
This is another painting ... as i thought deeper on the topic of quiet, this came up.
I have been painting on wider surfaces. Unfortunately this means I am unable to scan my painting/collage!!! I took this picture with my camera. It isn't too bad. I was going to paint her face with features but decided not to......... what do you think? Should she have a face? :o)

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Collage Painting - Quiet (Illustration Friday)

I was looking forward to the next topic in the illustration friday themes. This week's was quiet.

have you have considered that the loudest noise is always the one in your head? Or the sound of your emotion rising up hammering loudly for your attention.. the noise of uncertainty that pops up every now and then inside you like little alarm bells.

Quiet to me is when self expectations dissolve, no longer needing to prove anything or striving to become anything. Quiet meaning being so totally at peace with myself and fully accepting of whatever state i may be at, at that moment. It means giving up fighting with myself.. it means being in the moment without holding on to the moment. It means giving up of the last moment to be in This moment.

Where the noise in my head has ceased because it is satisfied not needing to know anything more. It is free of the bondage of concepts, expectations and thoughts. i am so happy of quiet times because it is during these times, that i see myself clearly without false coverings.