Saturday, September 30, 2006

Collage Painting - A Joyful Heart

I wanted to paint something happier this weekend and originally intended on pink hues but it turned into yellow........ when i first began to draw this figure, i was thinking of what or who did i think was beautiful and i think i surprised myself a great deal when i realized that i had drawn a person who looked so much like my mother. It is interesting how when I was a little girl, i used to think my mother was the most beautiful person in the world.

I think deep down inside, i still think she is the most beautiful person in the world. What is scariest is that when I look inside myself, i can see aspects of myself that is so much like my mother. It is almost as though she is living inside me. I wonder how many people have felt this way.....

Monday, September 25, 2006

Illustration Friday - Phobia

This is my first entry in Illustration Friday challenges. I spent a few days thinking about what phobias meant to me. Most people are afraid of something and it may be that this fear they have drives them to do the things they do or behave the way they do. Some people believe that fear is necessary to survive and get ahead in life.
Nowadays i like to think of fear as a natural human reaction but at the same time that reaction is separate from logic and choice. To be able to choose how you feel and how you react to things must be true mastery. But to be able to master emotions and reactions requires understanding and seeing things for the way it is, not what we think it is. To be able to discern between a valid thought and a delusional one.
Perception and belief systems changes the view we have of everything. In fact our whole existence is based on perception and belief systems.
When we allow fear perceptions to consume our reality, or when we succumb to the fear reactions of our perceptions and thoughts for long periods of time, that is when the trouble starts... and we cross the line into a world called phobia.
We can be scared of many things but what if your greatest phobia was yourself. It would be like holding on to a spider and not letting go, yet at the same time screaming in horror constantly. It would be a continuous horrifying moment one after the next. Or perhaps the thing you disliked the most was yourself or your body .. whatever you identified yourself to be. There would be no where you could run to that you weren't already there.
So they punish that very thing they feared or disliked,to eradicate what they thought was the source of that fear. Or perhaps they thought that if they punished it, it would learn it's lesson and be more likeable just like a parent chastising their child for "their own good". Perhaps then, they would be more likeable and lovable to other people but what some don't really realize is the acceptance their being craved the most is their very own acceptance of themselves.
Fear saddens the soul and Love frees it.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Collage Painting - the Seat of my Heart

how it came to this is unclear
the thunderstorms began to go
the clouds too slowly cleared
Someone called my name and i followed
across the great divide -
between the stranger and me.
There, smilling, beaming so brightly ~ was She
in the seat of my heart
my very own Self
my Heart
my Love
my Joy
my Courage
my Home
my Life
and because of this
wherever i am -
I Am
Before i went to bed last night, i remembered this profound thing a very special lady said to me a while ago. And the way she said it with such trust and faith in me.
At the time, i was lost to myself and although i didn't know it then, i felt like i could not love myself. This was either because i felt that i was undeserving or because i needed someone's approval to love myself. And the sadness I felt from this emptiness made me feel totally lost, confused and disorientated. i didn't know where i was coming from or where i was going.
All she said was, " Sulea, i do not want to stand in front of your light".
That was it. nothing before, nothing after... just that.
and in an instance, it was as though by removing herself, she was giving me the approval to become myself. That it was okay to be whatever no matter what and be accepted and loved because I would be the source of that love.
I realized that i was witholding myself from becoming ... because I was terrified of myself. Making me "visible" through removing the obstacle, allowing me to accept being conscious of that "light" , the source of my existence to be visible and lighting me up.
Whether or not that light exists is not important. Only that the symbolism of what it represented to me makes the difference. This painting is about the connection, the friendship and the bond between being and the love of his/her innerself. It is about the unconditional love that exists when it is given to oneself.
the greatest gift I ever received from anyone is that gift of receiving that unconditional love. and that is what this painting is about.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Collage Painting - Let go and Fly

I have been listening to those who say
that I missed my chance
But the beginning is now
and always is
There's another chance,
there always is
Maybe I'll take this chance, this change
Worn and weathered by life
Regrets are of the past
I will get up and climb
into my Wings
Be strong and brave
Let go and FLY

Monday, September 18, 2006

Chatter - my weekend

I had a pretty good weekend. Had to make a trip to Ikea today as the first time we went, the table we got was slightly damaged. i can never tire of the place.. so many things to see and want!

The highlight of my weekend and week was sunday when Carmel visited me! i was so looking forward to it and I had such a great time and it's so nice to be able to share and enjoy someone's company when creating stuff. I can't wait to visit the artshop Carmel recommended me.. and getting some jo sonja paints as i haven't got any of those. I seem to go through paints like water but they come in so many gorgeous colours, how can anyone resist?

but sadly the weekend had to end and this week, i'm on training at work learning a new job. I applied for this position in the payments team at work and so learning new stuff. I was a little nervous but so far it hasn't been too stressful and my first day was quite enjoyable. Hope it continues that way and another weekend will come. Things are looking brighter and happier.
Hope everyone is having a great week.

lots of love

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Collage Painting - Open Door

I am the ground,
you are the step
You opened the door of my heart
and filled it with love.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Collage Painting - Into the Ocean

There is a way,
from your heart to mine
Leaving the stream,
into the ocean

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Friday - happy flu

It's friday lunch time at work and i'm counting down the seconds when i can run out the door...

You know that you obsessed when you sleep at night and you dream that you're working away on a painting at the dream desk, or when your heart leaps and silently screams with excitement at the mention of paper, wood, paint or brushes. i feel like running up and down everywhere ROFL. Kinda silly really considering that i'm not a little kid anymore but there it is haha.

Or when you start constructing collages in your head while in the shower, writing poetry while walking or when you pass the toys section at target and you're thinking about colours... you know you have it bad. Maybe it's a good thing that i don't paint during the week. Might just lose it LOL.

You also know something is wrong when you're so happy and full of joy about painting that you want to hug everyone in sight.

We were at Bunnings last night looking at paint samples because i would like to paint one of the bedrooms with a feature wall.. and i heard myself saying to Steve, no all the rose pinks aren't the same. Each shade makes you feel different and everytime i commented on a colour, he would say yea get that... LOL i wanted to get white furniture for the room but when we at ikea, reason just went out the window and bought a black day bed.. it had love hearts in the frame.. just goes to show, reason never wins with me when creating or choosing things.

This blog entry doesn't really say much... except that i'm feeling happy lol. Anyway, i hope whoever reads this can catch some of this happy flu. :o)


Sunday, September 10, 2006

Collage - Mother Nature

I was thinking of luscious moss when i did this collage. There is lots of texture in the background which the scanner hasn't managed to picked up and for some reason, the scanner has also made the background fluorescent LOL. it's not this fluorescent.. i think yellow paint has this kind of effect.

I made this for a special friend....... but who is this going out to??? just who???? lol

the clovers in the background symbolize luck and there are words all around the collage that i thought was representive of this very special person. :o)

now off to varnish this!!! and that's it for this week.. i'm all collaged out..... lol

lots of love

Collage - self portrait

This was done on an A4 piece of wood.. kinda a self portrait.. although i don't look anything like it lol. I wrote words that were values or qualities that i liked about myself.

compared to the other collages, this was fairly quick. Probably because i didn't have expectations of it. it was done very simply.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Painting - with every fibre of my being

Ever since i started painting and doing collage, i've been wondering what kind of person paints all these various things. Am i all those things that have been painted... but why do they all look so different... is there one consistent thing inherent in them all that i could point at and say that's me?

do i believe that when we paint, we are painting ourselves? or are we painting our hopes and dreams but are they not part of what makes us the way we are.

is a good artist one who can paint subjects that are beyond themselves. Draw a line in a way that they would not normally do.. tilt the angle of your brush in a way unlike your norm.

i don't know... but i can hear myself saying, but that is how you felt in that moment in time, in that dot in the infinite time space continuum, a snapshot..

i like this painting. i like the softness, the sensuality, the tenderness. i like it because of how it makes me feel.

Collage - Love Only

Be so ever humble
in the presence of love

Let there be nothing
in your heart
but love
and love only

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Collage - Friend

oh Friend,
i have sought you through time and distance
longing for your love and acceptance.

i sought you amongst faces that faded in the dust,
i sought you in rivers that washed away,
i sought you in the sky that turned into night ,
i sought you everywhere known to mind,

and in everyone, i was left standing there ,
wondering why, why, why,
they were not you.

Dearest friend of mine own,
I am that blinding Light
that lit you up from the inside out - so Brightly!
that it was only my reflection that you saw
amongst those faces there.
Though i am unseen
I am the Love within you that never left
Embrace me and you will see.

Collage - Silent Dreams

i was crying in my sleep
when Love came and whispered in my ear

i have this gift for you, she said -
choose me
or forever shall you be in pain,
choose me
and you will never shed another tear,
choose me
and you will never be alone again.
choose me

and leave everything else to me.

Original collage now available for sale on Etsy.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Inspire Me Thursday - inspired by design

For all the times I thought,
I could not find the strength,
was one day more,
that I survived.

Painting - House by the Lake

so.... this is what i have been doing for the last 11 hours... yes.... 11 hours lol. way way outside my comfort zone, i was curious as to whether it was possible. i learnt so much and there's so much more to learn. I reckon the paintbrush is a very mysterious thing and depending on how it is used it could do great things but it's still a puzzle to me. Part of me wished someone could show me how to do all the neat things a paintbrush could do.. i'm feeling more in awe of the great painting masters like Turner and Blake, Leonardo and Michaelangelo.. etc etc.

I didn't know you could draw a picture using a paintbrush.. a lot of the process in this painting really freaked me out. i didn't know it was possible to paint reflections in the water or that the water could look transparent? translucent?? and painting the tree branches was really scary lol. there's lots to work on but i'm pretty happy with what i did today. dont think i'll be in a hurry to paint another scenery for a while though.. maybe i'll go do something messy now like collage.
You can click the picture and it'll bring up a bigger version of it. :o)