4th October 2006

a few more hours left to today... just seems like yesterday that i was 12 years old blowing out candles on a gigantic cake shaped in the numbers 12.. or maybe i was just little then. How time flies. Another birthday on an ordinary day.

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I used to think that i would feel the same inside no matter how old i was and that our outer appearances would just age and inside we would be the same 12 year old we once were. In many ways, i can relate to that 12 year old but sometime this year, something changed in me. Like a light bulb switched on and a voice inside went "huh?" Suddenly I realized i had changed so much over the last year.

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I thought i would list a few important things i have learnt.

1) i realize that i understand things much deeper today and have the capacity to see beyond myself and how life is interconnected. i learnt to look through others eyes.

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2) i learnt about consequences and responsibility of actions.

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3) I learnt to love others as i love myself but most importantly i learnt how to love myself unconditionally. That I am lovable because i am allowing myself to be loved.

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4) I learnt to forgive myself and others because they are no different from me. In forgiveness, i learnt to let go and move on.

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5) I learnt about self respect which is non different from self love. i learnt that the source of my self love comes from within me and is unconditional and infinite.

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6) I learnt not to hurt myself by thinking irrational thoughts and feelings.

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7) I learnt that i can be strong when pushed.

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8) I learnt to be true to myself because when I am not, i struggle. When I am true to myself, i realize that i do not need to fight because it is meant to be. Sometimes i think that maybe i'm being too weird with my art and have doubts as to whether people would like me... but then i remember that if i wasn't being myself, i wouldn't be happy.

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It's just an ordinary day in a year full of extraordinary experiences.

Thanks for listening :o)