Saturday, November 18, 2006

My Biggest Mistake

Why is it that every problem or every mistake seem so incredibly huge at the time? Evoking emotions of frustration, fear, embarassment, humiliation, annoyance, even anger at times. Why does it have to feel like i want to crawl way deep inside meself and hide underneath a table or that i replay the scene over and over and over again in me mind. Trying out different outcomes, different things i could have said, different ways i could have done things, feeling like i cannot live with myself until i resolved this or validated my preconceptions of myself.
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If someone had revealed to you something about yourself that you didn't like, or made you feel inferior or less of a person that you hoped to be, immediately you would feel outraged and defensive. Is it true, is it not true? and the reasons come as to why it isn't true or is true. How complicated we are when we fall victim to our own fears.
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I have always been very hard on myself. Feeling helpless on many ocassions at the unsurmountable problems that keep coming up in life. It felt like they just kept coming i was constantly clearing them out.
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my biggest mistake is always the one i was experiencing at the time but at some point, i said to myself:
' Dear one, do you know how many countless mistakes you will make in your lifetime? Countless.. Countless' Add that to the immeasurably countless mistakes of everyone in the universe throughout time...
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It all fell into place. I am not perfect. (a sigh of relief). what a relief. How many times will I forgive myself and let go of the problem? With all the countless mistakes, surely i would have practiced enough to forgive and let go. The sooner i learn this, the sooner i can go on. The faster I do this, the faster I will be liberated.
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5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sulea, I definitely make loads and loads of mistakes and suffer from foot in mouth disease all the time..... like you say though, we're not perfect, none of us are and we all definitely make mistakes. Art is a good way of expressing how you feel though, dont you think? Big hugs to you. Nat

Julie H said...

Oh Sulea I make lots of mistakes. Some of them even hurt others. I wish it were not so. I really do.

I think we all make mistakes.

Dotee said...

Sulea - so good to see you posting again.

I have made, and will no doubt continue to make, HEAPS of mistakes. The important thing is to learn from them, forgive ourselves and move on.

You are a very special woman xoxo

I agree with Nat about art. It expresses our feelings. The sad and the joyous.

Dotee xxo

Anonymous said...

This post really resonates with me, I have felt that way many a time, it takes a long time to crawl out from under that table sometimes. What I often find to be just the thing that hits home more than I would like to admit is this site (you can sign up for daily inspiration)http://www.mymeditations.com/dailys/317502.html
I think the sensitive artists nature is what causes as all this grief, others just bulldoze through life without thinking, we on the other hand are more sensitive to our surroundings and how actions both from and to us affect our souls

Sulea said...

Thank you all for writing me a note. :o)

Ev, i absolutely love that website link you gave me. It is AWESOME!!

love
Sulea