Painting - Giving up Good and Bad

' Giving up being good or bad'
acrylic on canvas
30.5 by 40.6 cm

I have spent most of my life wanting to be good, but always falling short of expectations. By desiring to be good, i found myself having an attachment to not wanting to be bad. In the quest to do good, was an endless array of things not done that i could have acted out in order to be good in my eyes. So all the time, all i succeeded in doing was proving how bad i was. How awful to be so incapable.

I am not a bad person, i just care too much, judge too harshly, forgive too quickly and see too much, often seeing things that don't exist at all. I have come to learn that even as one may be good, there is still room to be misunderstood. You can be liked and disliked by anyone at all for all kinds of reasons, that has nothing to do with being good or bad. Bad people have friends. But i also learn, that those bad people are not really bad. They too are going through the learning process of what it is, to be a person. So i learn to forgive when i am hurt, forgive them for not understanding. ignore the irrational and i learn not to have expectations.

I want to give up the attachment to being good or bad and live in the freedom of choice without listening to judgement from anyone. Peace of mind, validations good or bad does not exist here.